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Were you born that way?

It is widely believed that we are born with an innate disposition or temperament.

Personality set at birth?
Ask any mother—if they have more than one child—are their children’s personalities more similar or different? How soon could you tell? They will invariably answer that their children’s personalities are different and they could tell at birth. Even more startling, many mothers could tell their children’s personalities were different in the womb!

Many factors influence our behavior growing up. Parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, teachers, culture, even television all helped shape us along the way. Some of our behaviors were encouraged and rewarded while others were discouraged or even punished. Our early caregivers who raised us clearly had the most significant influence on how we see the world and the beliefs we carry into adulthood.

Why is it that children raised in the same home often experience their upbringing very differently even when circumstances were similar?
The way childhood experiences are interpreted, internalized, and carried forward can vary greatly depending on one’s innate values orientation. In the nature vs. nurture debate an important questions to ask is “how might the impact of external influences depend on who we are to begin with?”

Notable 17th century philosopher and mathematician, Gottfried Leibniz, compared the human mind to a block of marble containing with it certain lines along which the block is naturally predisposed to split when sculpted by life’s experiences.

When we consider both inborn temperament and lived experience together, a fuller picture emerges. Connectors may take things to heart and more easily feel isolated, Planners may feel lost with no sense of direction when not provided the level of guidance they are seeking, Thinkers and Movers are likely to feel held back from becoming unique individuals when their needs for autonomy and freedom aren’t met.
We tend to form an image of ourselves based to some extent on how others perceived us growing up. Some of us had role models whom reflected or at least encouraged our own true nature. Some of us were fed a narrative of self-doubt and limiting beliefs when we did not live up to the expectations of someone with a contrasting nature. It is not uncommon for an individual to build up layers of armor that mask their true self. When this happens, it can be difficult to get in touch with your own inner nature.
Knowledge of the personality styles can help reveal who you really are on the inside. What you do with this information is up to you. Perhaps the work isn’t about changing who you are or what matters most to you, but about letting your understanding of yourself grow closer to what feels true on the inside.
Your patterns—whether innate or adaptive—do not define you. By allowing yourself to experience, observe, and accept your patterns without trying to force change, you’ll find they naturally lose their power over you, creating space for greater choice and personal freedom. You may discover that some behaviors are expressions of your natural style, while others developed as adaptations to your environment. Recognizing the difference can be both grounding and liberating.

Becoming aware of your own personal needs, values, and behavior patterns can help you navigate life more effectively.

Leibniz, Gottfried Wilhelm

Compassionate Communication

Nonviolent Communication (NVC), also called Compassionate Communication, is a process developed by Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s. Rosenburg discovered an insightful way of working through the conflict that arises when two individuals have contrasting strategies for having their own needs and values met. His process involves identifying one’s own needs, the needs of others, and the feelings that surround these needs.

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